


a silence filled with thousands of words.

by dandeliondokyeom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'm gay, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, i just need to finish them, i just wanted to post it because i'm bored, i may or may not have stories planned to follow this, i'm very gay, jihoon is my ult why do i always hurt him in my stories, jihoon is sad, maybe i have a problem, okay looking at every single story i'm writing right now it's all angst, oooh maybe one of the stories i'm writing right now could be a sequel to this, poor jihoon, really do i write anything but angst, soonoyung is loud, this is something i wrote ages ago and it's really bad, umm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandeliondokyeom/pseuds/dandeliondokyeom
Summary: Soonyoung has always been loud, and Jihoon fell in love with that. And maybe sometimes Soonyoung speaks in a voice too loud to be considered appropriate, or his tone won’t suit his words. Maybe he’ll just talk at the complete wrong time, say something with absolutely no relevance to the topic. And maybe it sometimes it would frustrate Jihoon.Now though, Jihoon supposes he prefers it when Soonyoung’s loud, lively, always answering everything and talking way too much.It hurts less that way.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	a silence filled with thousands of words.

**Author's Note:**

> hello...this is very short and very bad...i just had it sitting on my computer though so i wanted to post it...i'm gonna regret this later but!

“I don’t know what I expected from you. This has happened more times than I can count.” 

“Jihoon, I’m sorry-”

“There it is, the classic ‘I’m sorry’ that I hear from you every fucking week. When will it end, Soonyoung?” 

“I was tied up at work, I couldn’t help it.” 

“As always. You know what? Fuck you, Kwon Soonyoung; fuck you for giving me hope, for making me wait hours on end without so much of a message to say you’ll be late - fuck you.” 

“That’s not fair!” 

“What’s not fair is me constantly trying time and time again to make this relationship work and receiving nothing in return. Fuck, it’s like you don’t even love me anymore!” Jihoon doesn’t mean to let these words past his lips, intending for his mouth to act as a barrier between what he thinks and what he says. Evidently, that doesn’t work, and he’s struggling to prevent himself from slapping his hands over his mouth in shock at what he just let slip. His voice is raised as he says it, the emotion bleeding into his voice faster than he can stop it. 

Regret instantly clouds his mind, takes over everything - every thought that passes through his mind. He shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, he’s so dumb. But hey, it’s alright; they’re both in love, and in no time at all, Soonyoung’s going to assure him that yes, he still loves him - in fact, he will never stop loving him. Their relationship is always and forever, just like they always say. 

He will, won’t he? 

The two males share a thick silence, full to the brim with unspoken words, racing thoughts and pounding hearts. Jihoon’s ears are invaded with the weighted sounds of Soonyoung’s heaving, as though he has just run a marathon. Though it‘s nothing of the sort; the complete opposite, really. Soonyoung has been completely still since those words slipped from Jihoon’s mouth, his eyes open wide. Pain paints itself all over his features; he’s standing like a deer stuck in the headlights. 

Jihoon feels his heart sink to the bottom of his chest, his anger quickly subsiding until it ceases to exist in its entirety. Why is Soonyoung taking so long? It’s a simple question, with a simple answer. 

Right? 

Maybe, his mind contemplates, Soonyoung didn’t hear him properly. And so, Jihoon gears himself up to repeat himself; softer, not so intense this time; less accusing and phrased as though it’s a genuine question. Because it is. 

On account of the older’s hesitation, Jihoon can feel the fear pulsing throughout his body. He doesn’t believe he’s ever been this scared in his life. Why though? Soonyoung’s obviously going to say yes. 

Jihoon hopes. 

“You-you still love me, right?” Jihoon hates - hates with every inch of his being, hates with everything he has in him - just how small and scared he sounds. The amount of emotion that seeps into his question is unbearable, though it’s hardly his fault; Soonyoung, as it is, should be rapidly assuring Jihoon that yes, of course he still loves the shorter male. 

They should be close, like they always are - Soonyoung should be taking Jihoon in his arms, hugging him and kissing his head; they should be exchanging apologies for raising their voices and working things out, because they’re Soonyoung and Jihoon. 

Soonyoung and Jihoon, the pair their friends had always placed bets on, who loved each other before they even realised it, who went through life with such an ease and charm that everyone believed they were meant to be. 

Jihoon was apart of that ‘everyone’; from the day he met Soonyoung, he truly, truly was of the impression that he and Soonyoung, no matter what, would always be together - through thick and thin, for better or for worse, till death do them part. 

That dream - the dream of Soonyoung and Jihoon adopting a pet together, spending forever together, growing old together - seems to be crashing right before Jihoon’s eyes. 

Also before Jihoon’s eyes is a cave in Soonyoung’s expression; the panicked, nervous glint in his eyes is replaced with one of a dejected, regretful nature, accompanied by tears beginning to well. 

He opens his mouth, as though he’s about to say something, anything, and Jihoon feels a bubble of hope begin to inflate within his chest, but then Soonyoung closes his mouth again and instantly, the bubble is popped. 

The pool of tears in Soonyoung’s eyes gets bigger with every second that passes, and fuck, it’s only then that the ball drops within Jihoon’s mind. 

Kwon Soonyoung truly doesn’t love him anymore. And probably hasn’t for months, now that he thinks about it. All the cold acts Jihoon classed as a bad day, harsh words he blamed on sleep deprivation, and missing affection he considered to be the result of the two male’s busy schedules, what with all the work they were doing, were nothing more than Soonyoung simply falling out of love with the younger. 

Jihoon wills himself not to cry, prevents the tears he so desperately wants to release from making themselves known to anyone but himself, as he considers why his one true love, Kwon Soonyoung, has fallen out of love with him. 

At first, he wants to just label it as ‘some reason’, probably something small and insignificant that Jihoon couldn’t deter from happening - something like growing up or meeting someone new. 

As he allows himself to dive deeper into the thought, though, he realises that no, maybe it wasn’t just ‘some reason’; maybe not at all. Maybe it’s every reason. 

Maybe, just maybe, he’s fallen out of love with everything to do with Jihoon - with the way he isn’t as comfortable with public displays of affection as Soonyoung, with the way he has little patience when he gets tired, with the way he either feels no emotion, or all too much, with no in between - and it’s no one but Jihoon’s fault. Jihoon should have tried harder, should’ve held Soonyoung’s hand more and should’ve kissed him harder. 

Perhaps, though, that is the last thing Jihoon should be thinking about in this movement; he can’t do anything about it now, because Soonyoung’s failing to even answer a simple fucking question. 

And, Jihoon supposes, that is all the answer he needs. 

He clears his throat, feeling a lump arising. Before he can stop it, the tears are pooling within his eyes, growing heavier and heavier with every blink. And this time, he doesn’t even attempt to hold them back. 

Soonyoung is his everything, was meant to be his forever. Jihoon always told himself that if he ever lost Soonyoung, it’d be like losing a large portion of himself, and now that his worst nightmare is being a reality, he feels all but empty. Frankly, he doesn’t even have the energy to hold his composure anymore. 

Jihoon can feel his world crashing down right before his eyes, and he knows that if he has to stand in their shared apartment any longer, facing Soonyoung and staring directly into those eyes, those oh so gorgeous eyes - the ones he fell in love with, that he stared into for hours on end and saw his future within - that are rapidly filling with tears; if he has to be confronted with that hair, that jet black hair that Jihoon had spent nights entangling his hands throughout, placed kiss upon kiss to, had played with when Soonyoung was crying and needed to be comforted, he doesn’t think he can handle it. He thinks he’ll break completely in two. 

Maybe even more. 

He needs an out. And quickly. His mind is racing at two hundred kilometres an hour, sorting through and assessing every possible way he could escape the apartment that is rapidly closing in on him, squashing him so tightly he can’t find it within himself to take a simple breath. 

A strangled noise escapes his throat, just as a pair of tears roll down his cheek. One slides straight off of his skin and onto the floor, while the other lands on his lips. Distantly, his mind registers that it takes salty, though that’s the least of his concerns right now. 

He’s aware that he should probably wipe the tears from his face. He’s especially aware of the fact that he probably looks like a broken man, though he supposes, isn’t that what he is? 

Even just the mere thought of it brings a sharp pang to his chest. He just wants this to be over; he wants to wake up, to roll over and see Soonyoung sleeping peacefully next to him, to place a soft kiss on his forehead and play with his hair until he wakes up. He wants to be greeted with that soft, gorgeous sleepy smile of Soonyoung’s - the one that he reserves especially for Jihoon, that radiates pure happiness and everything good in the world - the one that gives him butterflies every time he witnesses it because he never, not in a million years, ever expected that he could make one person so effortlessly happy. 

Jihoon feels as though he swallowed a piece of string; one that’s travelling throughout his body, finding its way to his heart and tying a big, tight knot around it - one that no one can ever untie. 

He really can’t breathe anymore. 

He opens his mouth, unsure of what he’s even going to say. What are you even supposed to say in this situation? He’s never been confronted with such a problem before, he had no idea how to react. This is his first ever relationship, and, he had hoped, his only. 

That was obviously all it was, though - hope. The futures they planned with each other obviously didn’t mean nearly as much to Soonyoung as they did to Jihoon. 

He can’t do this anymore. 

It’s then that Jihoon realises what he has to do. He closes his mouth, sadly nods his head and runs a hand through his hair. If he gives it a little tug, he doesn’t notice. 

“Alright then,” he mumbles, sounding just as broken as he feels. His voice cracks, though he can’t even bring himself to care. With those two words, it feels as though he’s solidified his future; a dull future, wherein he doesn’t call Soonyoung every time he receives exciting news, doesn’t laugh as the elder retells a joke he heard at work that day that really isn’t that funny, but Soonyoung is so excited about it that Jihoon can’t help but let out a bright, happy laugh, doesn’t get to witness Soonyoung’s eyes lighting up as they walk through the city, staring up at the streetlights as a smile, as pretty as a flower, blossoms across Soonyoung’s lips. 

A future void of Soonyoung. 

Without saying anything more, Jihoon turns on his heals, unable to bear the weight of their silence any longer. 

As he starts towards the door hurriedly, his vision growing blurrier with each step, he feels a wave of embarrassment crash over him. He’s stupid, oh so stupid - stupid for thinking that Soonyoung would ever love someone like him, stupid for thinking that Soonyoung could ever love someone like him. 

Inside and out, Jihoon is incredibly stupid, so fucking stupid. From head to toe, he’s stupid - every last strand of his hair is stupid, all that runs through his veins is stupid. 

Lee Jihoon may just be the most stupid person to have ever lived. He really, truly believed that Soonyoung loved him and would continue loving him for eternity. 

And now he’s left like some kind of idiot; alone, like the idiot he is. 

Soonyoung, to his credit, at least has the decency to look guilty as Jihoon turns and walks out, unsure of whether he ever wants to set foot in that apartment again. 

As Jihoon approaches the door, he is vaguely tempted to look back at Soonyoung, hoping that he’ll see that mischievous glint in his eye that he always takes on when he’s playing a joke on Jihoon. It would be a cruel joke, but a joke nonetheless, and Jihoon would be more grateful than ever for this to turn out as some sick, twisted prank. 

If it were a prank, though, Jihoon would expect Soonyoung to have run up to him and enveloped him in the tightest hug known to mankind by now, kissing his lips and whispering that all it was was a joke and that he was sorry, oh so sorry. As it turns out, nothing of the sort happens. 

Soonyoung doesn’t even call out his name. Or maybe he does and Jihoon just unconsciously shuts it out. 

Either way, one thing is clear; Kwon Soonyoung doesn’t love Lee Jihoon anymore, and that’s all the motive Jihoon needs to place his hand on the door handle and twist it. As he pulls it open, he hesitates for a second, standing completely still and taking one final, deep breath, knowing that this will the last time he ever shares the apartment with Soonyoung. 

The man he loves, and doesn’t see himself ever falling out of love with. 

All Jihoon wanted was a happy ending. But now, he supposes, that’s too far out of reach. 

Soonyoung has always been loud, and Jihoon fell in love with that. And maybe sometimes Soonyoung speaks in a voice too loud to be considered appropriate, or his tone won’t suit his words. Maybe he’ll just talk at the complete wrong time, say something with absolutely no relevance to the topic. And maybe it sometimes it would frustrate Jihoon. 

Now though, Jihoon supposes he prefers it when Soonyoung’s loud, lively, always answering everything and talking way too much. 

It hurts less that way.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm assuming you made it to the end which is...admirable. i'm sorry it was so shit aaa i'll continue to try and improve in the future i swear. but anyways thank you so much for reading! you can follow my twt @dandeliondokey if you want! but either way, have a wonderful day and stay safe!


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